Cancer - I'm in Limbo land....waiting for Chemo!

The feeling of being stuck but also appreciating my recovery time is making my head spin a little, not going to lie!

So today is exactly 3 weeks since my surgery and all in all I'm feeling pretty good, thank goodness! I've still got a painful (butt crack of stitches), sorry but seriously can they heal already, they are the most uncomfortable bloody nuisance! I have a lot of energy on one day and then crash and burn the next, but I'm O.K with that and I am honouring myself and resting when I need to...........BUT guys.....I am so freaking bored!!!!!!!!!!!

This past week I've hit some great milestones with my recovery and I'll talk more about that in this blog, but I'm also experiencing the sensation of being stuck in a Groundhog day moment.

The fact is that I have accepted and worked really hard on the possible outcomes that may be coming my way once I start chemo and radiation and I just want to know when I'll be commencing this treatment, the exact chemo drugs that are going to be used and the length of time I will be enduring it all. Fair I think, yes? Referrals have all been sent from my surgeon early last week and honestly I expected an appointment to be made pronto! Ummmmm, I'm here writing this on a Sunday afternoon and zilch, nada, niente...I have not heard back from them!

Geez am I not important enough to have this already sorted, I would've expected that as soon as the oncologist team received the referral, an appointment would've been scheduled! I'm annoyed and I'm sharing it with you all! Anyway enough whinging, we'll be chasing them up tomorrow. I really love being put on hold for a lonnnnggggggg time, makes my day! (Sarcasm felt all over the continent!)

O.K enough of that, let me share some of my highlights this past week:

I stepped out by myself and My God it felt so damn good!

In previous blogs I've shared many of the things that keep me in a positive frame of mind and one of those things is doing something super nice for yourself. I booked my hair colour in for this last Thursday and I was giddy!

Another quick thing to share with you all; My natural hair colour is completely white! I can't even say a soft grey, no no it's a brilliant, how you want your whites to come out in the wash, super bright WHITE! I need to get my roots done every three weeks, and I really look forward to the head massage when my hair is being rinsed at the basin!

Anyway, getting in the car (auto not up for manual yet)positioning my butt pillow, cranking my favourite music and simply experiencing something so normal was magical! It made me so happy!

My hair stylist made sure I had pillows to sit on, was helping me re position myself on the chair, chatting to me about my journey and sharing her personal experience with cancer in her family, and it just highlighted to me how connected we all are as humans. We all go through pain and loss and many have stories to share about triumph and how they rose above the turmoils in life. I talk about being kind to yourself and others and you know what, it's also the silver lining motto I live and breathe. Every single moment in life can be viewed with that philosophy. The silver lining motto is about the deep sense of gratitude in any given moment. I was so grateful to be treated what felt like to me, was a queen and I wasn't focussed on the 'poor me', 'look what I've been through' mentality. I was purely joyful in the magic of being alive, being pampered, connecting with another person and so very grateful to be out and about.

What was special to me also was the fact that I could talk to her about what I would like to do if my hair falls out with chemo, and we had some fun chatting about the different colours I could play with when my hair starts to grow back. See what I mean? Silver lining in every situation.

Clothes Shopping for Stella

Utilising my super human endurance on this day, I also bought a few clothing items that would suit Stella. Here's the thing though I actually own quite a few dresses that flare out below the waist and in this oppressive heat they have been a God send! Side note here, this summer is killing me!! It is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo HOT!! I am hanging for the cooler days of Autumn! Sorry, back on track now... I bought a pair of high waisted, boyfriend jeans (super cute), a black silk top, some new Bonds underwear and a pretty leopard print skirt....all on sale!! woot woot!

Something else to mention here, when I was researching about clothing and underwear options for a stoma, I came across a couple of ladies that swore by the high waisted undies. So before surgery I made my way into Best and Less and bought half a dozen full brief underwear, you know the granny kind. I hope I don't offend anyone here, but like always I'm keeping it real, I could not wear them! I hated the feel of them, I hated how they fit around my bum, how high they actual were and it freaked me the freak out! I felt like I had aged overnight so they have been given the flick and I'm back in my comfy bonds varieties. It's the small pleasures in life peeps!!

It was a beautiful day, I was self sufficient, I had shopped, used the restrooms (four times)and I looked half decent again so yippee! :)

Now, crashing and burning the next day was a little 'Urggghhhhh'!!! But....I spent my time wisely peeps. I smashed a couple of series on Netflix and napped, rejuvinating to say the least.

The week of gorgeous gift deliveries and messages

I need to say it again and I will continue to express my deepest gratitude and the absolute joy I have felt in receiving such wonderful gifts. More stunning flower deliveries, cards with heartwarming, hand written messages of Get Well and reminiscences of times worked together and funny memories. Messages checking in with me. Beautiful luxury gift boxes of sumptuous scents in candles and creams, dressing gowns, blankets, magazines, angel tokens and pins etc....simply divine... I have been so spoilt and I'm humbled. Thank you.

So a week of further healing and self sufficiency and also a week of wanting to get on with my life so I can move past this episode in my life and conquer all the other goals I want to achieve this year! Limbo land is frustrating in all it's glory and I tell you it has felt like January has had eighty long days, I'm glad it's February now and I am looking forward to my next steps so I can keep sharing this journey and accepting all your well wishes while I suit up and keep on battling!

Until next time......

Sabrina xx

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